i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think my fart just growled at me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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