She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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