You're so nebulous sometimes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
3 2 1 whiskey
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
