My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
