Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
