Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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