he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
