I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
