I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
