chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
