Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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