haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
