You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
