seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
