Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
