I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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