I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
