Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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