tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
