Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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