Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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