I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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