I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm just crazy horny about you
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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