So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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