Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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