she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
