So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
