I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
