what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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