DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
