I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i've created a new STD.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
