Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
