Sponge bath it is.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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