Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We don't watch enough power rangers
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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