no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
