I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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