Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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