Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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