woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
