Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
