Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
