i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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