Buhtt sex?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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