Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
