I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
