Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
