i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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