Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
