thus making me awesome and them whores
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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