When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Will exercising make me less horny?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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