it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
