I could make wine with my vomit
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
