I faked an abortion last night.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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