My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
