there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
